What do you do when you’ve finished Netflix? Systematically watch every single Chuck Norris movie (because it’s Chuck Norris).

1978: “Good Guys Wear Black” — Some clutch 1970’s attire and a regal mustachio’d Chuck Norris make this a semi-enjoyable romp. Fave line of the entire movie: “You fool around?” (to his leading lady who constantly feels like her lines are being dubbed). Chuck dons skiwear for the first/last time and kills a man by doing a flying sidekick through a windshield (so that’s incredible), but otherwise, it’s a WTF-is-actually-happening kind of storyline.

1979: “A Force of One” — This movie has an excessive amount of fake sweat in it and is filled to the gills with hotchi chachi tracksuits. Fun fact: how can you tell if something is in fact cocaine? You just snort it. DUH. OR if you need to pursue a perp’ and you’re just a run-of-the-mill kickboxer/karate superstar— steal a police car! What this movie taught me is that the 70’s were a beautiful, semi-lawless time where everyone wore turtlenecks.

1980: “The Octagon” — Do you feel like most movies are a little “light” in the ninja department? #SAME. This movie has a lot of Chuck Norris whispering over images of him staring into the abyss…AND I AM HERE FOR IT. Does his girlfriend die and he immediately shack up with a new bra-less hottie? YUP. It’s barely the 80’s…get onboard or get drop-kicked out of the way.

1981: “An Eye for an Eye” — If you’re not wearing black leather gloves, are you even driving a TransAm? This is one of the most disconcerting Chuck Norris movies because he is 100% stache-less. You WILL see tons of sweet Member’s Only jackets and a giant, club-footed villain who will obvi be after you if you try to discover why your significant other was set on fire. The fight scenes are ridiculous and go on forever, BUT they destroy a mansion that feels very Hugh Hefner-esque, so that’s really satisfying.

1982: “Forced Vengeance” — This is Chuck’s first foreign location movie, so pack those cowboy hats and Member’s Only jackets, you’re headed to Hong Kong! Does Chuck bring a Miss Piggy doll to give a small local gal? Absolutely. Does he seduce his lady friend on a small boat after pretending he’s “too tired for whoopie”? Also, yes. Why do people have fake mustaches in this movie when it’s 1982? Great question. BUT there is an abundance of nunchucks. Also: it ends so abruptly, you feel like you’ve been thrown clear of the vehicle.

1982: “Silent Rage” — Almost 100% unwatchable. The camera work is hurky jerky and makes you feel slightly nauseous. There’s also a Frankenstein, Lenny, Of Mice and Men-ish villain who is basically the worst. There’s a ridiculous montage of Chuck seducing an old paramour in his ‘70s bungalow that goes on forever and is wildly awkward/entertaining, but otherwise a dumpster fire of a movie.

1983: “Lone Wolf McQuade” — I’m convinced this is where John Wick got the premise for its very first movie. Someone kills Ranger Jim “J.J.” McQuade’s wolf dog and it’s time to howl at the moon and stop a villain who wears v-neck sweaters in Mexico (we call that a “mercy killing”, son). This is where Chuck embodies the true “Texas Ranger” mystique and IT JUST WORKS. He also has every color of the ol’ “frontier bibshirt” but leaves it open so his chest hair can breathe. Doesn’t everybody wear nut-huggers to repel down the sides of mountains with weapons? Chuck’s jeans are so tight, you can read his credit card number. Also: if you’re buried alive inside your Bronco, make sure you pour beer all over your head once you come-to, that’s the quickest way to hydrate.

1984: “Missing in Action” — Is literally “missing in action”…it’s impossible to stream.

1985: “Code of Silence” — Undercover cop, Chuck Norris, is just trying to bring justice to those meaaaaan Chicago streets. Best line ever (hard stop): “If I wanted your opinion, I’d beat it out of you.” Also: there are police robots fighting on top of a moving El train and all the explosions.

1985: “Missing in Action II” — This movie feels like the entire plot revolves around using a flame thrower and I’m not mad about it. Chuck is a prisoner o’ war and frankly, he’s not gonna stand for it…but how is “Sergeant Braddock” supposed to get out of Vietnam when the whores took his chopper?!?

1985: “Invasion U.S.A” — Chuck Norris was a writer on this film and he did NOT disappoint. Is he shirtless, driving an airboat and wrestling an alligator in the first five minutes of this movie? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT. This is where Chuck sports the iconic Canadian tuxedo and has a pet armadillo. Get some!

1986: “Firewalker” — This is a truly unwatchable movie. It’s Chuck’s first “comedy” and while I appreciate the jean jacket turned into a t-shirt and a chick fight happening while a shirtless Chuck is unconscious, I couldn’t do it. It’s trying to be an “Indiana Jones” or a “Crocodile Dundee” and it fails as hard as Chuck punches.

Drumroll, please…so here they are, the Top 3 Chuck Norris Movies of all time: